MARGARET THATCHER: Where there was harmony, she brought discord. Where there was truth, she brought error. Where there was faith, she brought doubt. And where there was hope, she brought DESPAIR.
Monday 8 April 2013 by Matt Taylor
Baroness Margaret Thatcher has completed a Work Capability Assessment with ATOS medical advisers and has been declared ‘fit for work’ according to a Government spokesman.
The decision immediately proved controversial, with welfare-rights groups insisting that ‘death’ entitled her to an exemption from the Back to Work initiatives under special rules, an argument which was swiftly rejected by officials.
Prime Minister David Cameron told reporters,
“We’re all in this together, and that includes the deceased.”
“If the Government were to make exceptions such as this, we’d soon have every benefit scrounger in the country killing themselves just to avoid working for free in Poundland. And then where would we be?”
Thatcher ‘fit for work’
An ATOS spokeswoman defended the decision saying,
“Our highly-trained medical team conducted a full check-up on the Baroness and allocated points according to the Government approved scoring protocol.”
Asked for more details of the procedure, she continued,
“Our processes are transparent and open. We take the claimant’s blood pressure and pulse rate and then check a special chart to see if we’ve made enough profits yet.”
“The chart is actually a large sheet of paper with the word ‘NO’ written on it in 2 foot high letters. We then deem the claimant fit for work and go to the pub.”
When challenged to suggest exactly what kind of work they would suggest for the late Mrs Thatcher, ATOS replied,
“Well she could always join the panel of Loose Women. No one would ever notice.”
Accused of showing a total lack of compassion, ATOS released a statement saying:
“It’s what she would have wanted.”